Saying Yes To The Doors That Open - Curiosity In The Present Moment Part 1

 Many of you may have experienced journeys in life where the Universe has taken you exactly where you wanted to go, via some very unexpected route. A route that perhaps seemed completely unrelated to the destination at the time, leaving you with your arms stretched outwards in defeated resignation as you decided to say yes and walk through that door reluctantly (or perhaps full-heartedly?) There was a letting go involved. These doors often act as a reminder to focus on the present moment, and not so much on the destination. And they serve as these little mini-tests of faith, inviting us to take that step towards the unknown, which in turn tends to then take a few steps towards us. As we let go, we experience a lightening of the load and often profound personal growth within occurs that you can almost taste. Sometimes this growth is subtle and occurs over many many years. Isn't that what all these journeys amount to anyways? The many creeks we float down that are all part of the same big River. The River of Life.

In the past year and a half I experienced this in quite a roller coaster way. In August of 2008 I returned from three grueling months of tree-planting in the bush. It was a particularly challenging season with one thing after another going wrong. Three months away from my beautiful daughter. Three months away from my beautiful girlfriend. I returned to Vancouver determined to move into an area called Strathcona, which lies in the heart of Vancouver just east of China Town and close to the Down Town Eastside - the center of North America's only drug epidemic and an HIV infection rate the same as Botswana's. It was the same neighborhood as my daughter and I wanted to live close to her. I was also determined to start giving more of my time to art and less towards seemingly meaningless jobs.

So began my "manifesting," that glorious buzz word that so many people talk about in modern day spiritual chatter.

Call it what you will, I began to focus on what I wanted, believing that with a little faith and attention to that, I would get there. I searched and searched for a place. It is a very sought after neighborhood and I was having little luck. The only things I found were out of my price range as I was looking for a two bedroom place. I had, up to that point been living with roommates and I wanted to create an environment more suitable for my daughter.

After a month of looking and sleeping on my brothers couch in cramped quarters I was feeling a little discouraged. One night, while searching on Craigslist for apartments, for some strange reason I felt inspired to look for a place in New Westminster - forty minutes from downtown Vancouver. Completely not close to my daughter. I went and looked at the place. It was a newly renovated two bedroom apartment within my price range. I said to the landlord that it was great, but that I really didn't want to live in New Westminster. I left. Three hours later I received an email from the landlord saying that I he thought I seemed like a good guy and that if i wanted the place he would lower the rent by $50. I thought to myself, "Is the Universe trying to tell me something here?" Being so focused on the future goal, I felt tremendous inner resistance to this door that was opening to me. I decided to take a walk to think about the possibility. I realized that I was scared to walk through this door, and being that I was already constantly conducting experiments with fear, it got me asking some questions.

"How do I know this isn't leading me to a place in Strathcona?" I asked. "I don't."

I had already experienced many times the personal growth that came from doing what I was scared of. After a long walk, I decided I would say yes to the door that was opening to me in the present moment, and let go of the need to go where I thought I needed to go. I remained curious and hopeful, and with positive expectancy that it might have been leading me to where I was trying to go if I just had a little faith. So I leaped. But the primary focus remained the present moment, not the results. The letting go I experienced in that moment lightened the load so much that I couldn't help but just be where I was in a total state of joy and peace, walking down the street, amongst the sounds of the cars and wind in the tree, and the feeling of the sun beating down on my back. If anything, my experiments with fear had yet again led to into that natural state of being. It was very beautiful.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning of what would turn into a roller coaster of a journey for the next couple of months. . .

Part 2 coming soon.

Introduction to Experiments With Fear

Leap Into the Present Moment and Build Faith by Taking Risks

For the last 3 years I have been conducting what I like to call experiments with fear. I have been paying close attention to what happens when I have chosen to do what scares me the most in any given situation, and I have also watched what happens when I do the opposite. These experiments with fear are founded in the hypothesis that by taking risks I force myself into the present moment and into a state of faith and courage; I take a step towards the Universe, God, the cosmos, my deeper self, or whatever else you would like to call it. Furthermore, by taking a step towards the Universe it will take two towards me, leading to personal growth and more faith every day as doors reveal themselves to me, "where before there were only walls."

The beauty of this experiment is that it helps you to be more focused on the process and the present moment, and less on the results. To quote Joey LaMotta, Joe Pesci's character in Raging Bull: "You win, you win. You lose, you win."

Experiments with fear have shown me that ninety five percent of the time, when I decide to take a risk, the Universe completely supports me, whether it be the smallest day to day things or the biggest life decisions. Even when I don't get the results I hoped for - or more accurately, the results I thought I wanted - they either end up being better, or I simply end up with a smile on my face for taking a risk. - the risk to live. The present moment is reward enough.

In this blog I am going to document my experiments with fear as I live my life. We will explore taking risks, using our fears as little cairns that point us in the right direction, exercises in letting go, creativity, and how all of this can help us to build confidence, experience a lot of personal growth within, and find our pathways to bliss. We'll discuss some interesting people all through out history who have lived this way, and how many of those people have shaped the world we live in today. As Joseph Campbell said, "It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."

I invite you all to participate by sharing your own experiences and, more importantly, by conducting your own experiments with fear. Leap and the net shall appear.